Thag 16.3

Telakānittheragāthā

“Cirarattaṁ vatātāpī, dhammaṁ anuvicintayaṁ; Samaṁ cittassa nālatthaṁ, pucchaṁ samaṇabrāhmaṇe.

Telakāni

For a long time, sadly, though I keenly contemplated the teaching, I gained no peace of mind. So I asked this of ascetics and brahmins:

‘Ko so pāraṅgato loke, ko patto amatogadhaṁ; Kassa dhammaṁ paṭicchāmi, paramatthavijānanaṁ’.

“Who in the world have crossed over? Whose attainment has freedom from death as its objective? Whose teaching do I accept to understand the ultimate goal?

Antovaṅkagato āsi, macchova ghasamāmisaṁ; Baddho mahindapāsena, vepacityasuro yathā.

I was hooked inside, like a fish gulping bait; bound like the titan Vepaciti in Mahinda’s trap.

Añchāmi naṁ na muñcāmi, asmā sokapariddavā; Ko me bandhaṁ muñcaṁ loke, sambodhiṁ vedayissati.

Dragging it along, I’m not free from grief and lamentation. Who will free me from bonds in the world, so that I may know awakening?

Samaṇaṁ brāhmaṇaṁ vā kaṁ, ādisantaṁ pabhaṅgunaṁ; Kassa dhammaṁ paṭicchāmi, jarāmaccupavāhanaṁ.

What ascetic or brahmin points out what is frail? Whose teaching do I accept to rinse off old age and death?

Vicikicchākaṅkhāganthitaṁ, sārambhabalasaññutaṁ; Kodhappattamanatthaddhaṁ, abhijappappadāraṇaṁ.

Tied up with uncertainty and doubt, secured by the power of aggression, stiff as a mind beset by anger; the arrow of covetousness,

Taṇhādhanusamuṭṭhānaṁ, dve ca pannarasāyutaṁ; Passa orasikaṁ bāḷhaṁ, bhetvāna yadi tiṭṭhati.

propelled by the bow of craving, is stuck in my twice-fifteen ribcage— see how it stands in my breast, breaking my strong heart.

Anudiṭṭhīnaṁ appahānaṁ, saṅkappaparatejitaṁ; Tena viddho pavedhāmi, pattaṁva māluteritaṁ.

Theories are not abandoned, they are sharpened by memories and intentions; and pierced by this I tremble, like a leaf blowing in the gale.

Ajjhattaṁ me samuṭṭhāya, khippaṁ paccati māmakaṁ; Chaphassāyatanī kāyo, yattha sarati sabbadā.

Having arisen within, what belongs to me burns quickly, in that place where the body always heads with its six sense-fields of contact.

Taṁ na passāmi tekicchaṁ, yo metaṁ sallamuddhare; Nānārajjena satthena, nāññena vicikicchitaṁ.

I don’t see a healer who can pull out my dart of doubt without a lance or some other blade.

Ko me asattho avaṇo, Sallamabbhantarapassayaṁ; Ahiṁsaṁ sabbagattāni, Sallaṁ me uddharissati.

Without knife or wound, who will pull out this dart that’s stuck inside me, without harming any part of my body?

Dhammappati hi so seṭṭho, visadosappavāhako; Gambhīre patitassa me, thalaṁ pāṇiñca dassaye.

He really would be the Lord of the Dhamma, the best one to cure the damage of poison; when I have fallen into deep waters, he would show me his hand and the shore.

Rahadehamasmi ogāḷho, ahāriyarajamattike; Māyāusūyasārambha, thinamiddhamapatthaṭe.

I’ve plunged into a lake, and I can’t wash off the mud and dirt. It’s full of deceit, jealousy, aggression, and dullness and drowsiness.

Uddhaccameghathanitaṁ, saṁyojanavalāhakaṁ; Vāhā vahanti kuddiṭṭhiṁ, saṅkappā rāganissitā.

Like a thundering cloud of restlessness, like a stormcloud of fetters; lustful thoughts are winds that sweep off a person with bad views.

Savanti sabbadhi sotā, latā ubbhijja tiṭṭhati; Te sote ko nivāreyya, taṁ lataṁ ko hi checchati.

The streams flow everywhere; a weed springs up and remains. Who will block the streams? Who will cut the weed?”

Velaṁ karotha bhaddante, sotānaṁ sannivāraṇaṁ; Mā te manomayo soto, rukkhaṁva sahasā luve.

“Venerable sir, build a dam to block the streams. Don’t let your mind-made streams cut you down suddenly like a tree.”

Evaṁ me bhayajātassa, apārā pāramesato; Tāṇo paññāvudho satthā, isisaṅghanisevito.

That is how, when I was full of fear, seeking the far shore from the near, my shelter was the Teacher whose weapon is wisdom, frequented by the Saṅgha of seers.

Sopāṇaṁ sugataṁ suddhaṁ, dhammasāramayaṁ daḷhaṁ; Pādāsi vuyhamānassa, ‘mā bhāyī’ti ca mabravi.

As I was being swept away, he gave me a strong, simple ladder, made of the heartwood of Dhamma, and he said to me: “Do not fear.”

Satipaṭṭhānapāsādaṁ, āruyha paccavekkhisaṁ; Yaṁ taṁ pubbe amaññissaṁ, sakkāyābhirataṁ pajaṁ.

I climbed the tower of mindfulness meditation, and checked back down at people delighting in substantial reality, as I had obsessed over in the past.

Yadā ca maggamaddakkhiṁ, nāvāya abhirūhanaṁ; Anadhiṭṭhāya attānaṁ, titthamaddakkhimuttamaṁ.

When I saw the path, as I was embarking on the ship, without fixating on the self, I saw the supreme landing-place.

Sallaṁ attasamuṭṭhānaṁ, bhavanettippabhāvitaṁ; Etesaṁ appavattāya, desesi maggamuttamaṁ.

The dart that arises in oneself, and that which stems from the leash to existence: he taught the supreme path for the canceling of these.

Dīgharattānusayitaṁ, cirarattamadhiṭṭhitaṁ; Buddho mepānudī ganthaṁ, visadosappavāhano”ti.

For a long time it had lain within me; for a long time it was fixed in me: the Buddha cast aside the knot, curing the damage of poison.